Man, I am bored. Like nothing to do at all. But I always get like this when I'm not working so I'm not even sure why I'm surprised. But I like nothing to do at all. I feel like without the idea of me being productive my whole system gets put into some weird kinda order. It's hard to explain in a way that would make sense to someone who doesn't understand. I like the idea of having lots of time to myself, but what do I do with all the free time? Nothing, absolutely nothing, it's disgusting. I always put stuff off until later, instead of just doing it now which is frustrating to no end. But I think I'm hitting a breaking point. Like these moments in anime where the main character is beaten so bad they have to reevaluate everything. Before my life was all a prequel, and now my actual character arc is beginning. It's a combination of things. I've been going to the gym, feeling swole as hell. As well as just realizing things, how to be successful, what I want to do with my life, having ambitions and dreams, and actually wanting to accomplish them. Not just saying oh yeah well i will be famous. But now I'm starting to lay the groundwork and get the foundations in place. And I'm honestly proud of myself. I feel like I've grown so much as a person recently in the last year or so. And every little thing I see, do or learn is staking up. In a little while I suspect I'll be able to live out my dreams in full. And the only thing I can say is that the world better be ready haha. Not only am i going to destroy this world but i'll be the one to own it, rule it with an iron fist, okay just kidding idk about that lol. It's just been a little hard to stay motivated, and I've always dealt with that. From my writing I often express a mood of indifference. It's like a curse put on me to prevent me from reaching my full potential but I'm slowly but surely learning how to fight against it. I'm getting stronger and stronger. Soon this curse will have no power over me. So about today's writing if you got this far you're probably thinking wow this isn't a story or fight scene. No, it's even better. It's my mind. The inner mechanisms going on, the pictures I paint in words. The thought process behind me at this time. I wonder if this will age like a time capsule and eventually I will go back and see this and laugh. Or congratulate myself. But yeah in other words a journal. I'm not sure if writing a diary/journal is a good thing, but I hear people say it can be a lot. So ill just hope for the best. I mean i could always do like a quick five min google search. But hahahahahahahahahahah. Like I ever do research. Well i do when it comes to writing. My, this is getting quite scattered. Is there supposed to be a point to a dairy? Maybe just to record my thoughts. If so then I'd say I'm doing great. I'm just scared honestly that people will think the things I write are boring and uninteresting. So by my own hands I shorten my ideas because I want them to be bite sized. But you know what fuck you. Yeah you heard me, I'm not going to do anything by bite sizing my own ideas. I don't write for others, I write for me. These are my stories that i wanna tell. My worlds, my characters. I should stop trying to make things easier to access. I know quick bite sized media is the meta right now, but who cares, i'll make a new one. I'm the one who will end the world after all. Who is stopping me from redefining what the entertainment industry looks like? People can listen if you sit them on their ass. So I'm just going to have to make a story so strong people will be blown on their ass. I wanna blow their kneecaps off so they can't walk away from my tale. With me as the face of the company I can't do anything but take a win. I'll lead by example to show that good content comes from the community. I believe in strength in numbers. I'll go to war against big companies with talent that can be found at home. That will be my company, made by the people for the people. I wanna kill off all the out of touch with companies that pump stuff out for money only. I want passion. Hard work, dedication. I wanna destroy this world and in its ashes raise a better one, i wanna be the hero of the people. An icon, a player in history, my company should exceed my expectations, and become a legend.
I really went on a rant there hey? Sorry I was just getting fired up, I was imagining I was Erwin Smith from aot giving a big speech. But yeah journaling its kinda fun, i like how i can just put my thoughts mindlessly down and i'm still winning, still being productive somehow. So I can go and do something stupid later and feel good about it. I don't really have too much else to say today. I hope someday people will unearth this document and laugh about how I started out. I mean they won't laugh because the whole world is gone. But if they make a documentary about how i destroyed this world i'd like to see this used as evidence, or like as an early sign of my psychosis. Well it was fun ranting at a screen for no reason. See you guys in the next life.
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