I was looking down at the papers in front of me in disbelief. The project I had dedicated my life to was all scattered on loose papers, marked with a red x.
“I don't know what you mean by rejected, this isn't what we had discussed. You told me before that it was a great idea, what could have possibly changed.” I said dumbfounded to the plump man reclining in his office chair in front of me.
“Yes, well things change in this kind of work, I do still think that this is a great idea, we are just not willing to take a chance on it.” He said in a condescending way that made my blood boil.
“No.” I said under my breath.
“Did you say something there boy.”
“Yeah actually, I said no, this isn't okay.” I was filled with so many different emotions, it was hard to process. I was confused, upset. But more than anything I was angry.
“You don't understand what this project means to me, and what i gave up to come here, just to have you say no to my face, why the fuck did we go though all this in the first place.” I was starting to raise my voice now, which caught the man off guard.
“I understand your upset my boy, but it's out of my hands.” he said trying to diffuse the situation. I was doing everything I could not to yell at this point.
“No, you clearly don't understand anything! I gave up my whole fucking life for this, everything I was doing was for this. Just for some fuck ups like you to tell me its canceled before we even begin, this is bullshit!” I stood up from my chair and slammed my hands on the desk in front of him.
“How are you going to compensate me for this, there is nothing you can do to make up for what i have lost.” The pig in front of me threw his hands up in a defensive position.
“Hey there, just calm down, we did write you a compensation check.” He said as he slid open one of the drawers in his desk and took out a manila envelope and placed it on the table in front of him.
I didn't say anything, just looked at him, and then opened the letter and saw the check. As I read the numbers my anger exploded into a furious rage and I could feel my mind start to slip.
“TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! That's fucking it? After all the shit i gave up, don't fucking insult me, what am i going to do with this? I gave up my career, for this opportunity, and your writing me off with this.” I wanted to punch him square in his jaw, it took all my available mind to not. The pig scoffed and said.
“You should be happy we even provided you with anything, I wont have people yelling at me, take that and go.” He then started pouring himself a drink out of his decanter on the table.” My rage exploded after seeing him do that, I grabbed the decanter out of his grimy fingers, and threw it against the back wall as hard as I could. It shattered in many pieces and left a mark on the wall. I looked at the man who was now trying to sink as deep into his chair as he could. I didn't have anything left to say.
“FUCK!” I said out loud one last time as I left his office.
It was a cloudy day, with a cool wind that bit through your clothes and caused you to shiver.
I was walking to the bank with the check in my pocket. I couldn't focus on anything other than the despair I felt. My sadness was overwhelming, my chest and head very physically hurting. My eyes started to grow warm as tears began to slowly slide down my eyes. My life was over, It was too late for me to try again, I didn't have that luxury. This was supposed to be my big break. I even moved countries for this, leaving everything I knew behind, and everybody I loved. I can't believe my life has ended up like this. Looking up I had already walked past 2 blocks past the bank. I turned around and dragged myself there shortly. I got up to the teller, who was a young girl with too much energy.
“Hello sir! What could I help you with today?” Her brown curly hair reminded me of someone, and my eyes began swelling up again.
“Are you okay sir?” She said with a worried tone of voice.
“Yeah, just a long day.” I said while wiping tears from my eyes.
“I just wanna deposit this check and have the money moved to someone else's account, and could you deliver a notice as well when you do that?”
“Of course sir. First I'll just need…”
Late in the evening, underneath the dark clouds, I was thinking about how she was. Probably living a good life. I wonder if she still hates me. But I can't go back to her now after leaving her, and then failing. I could never face her. I felt a cold splash on my head, and then looked up to the cloudy sky as rain drops began to steadily pour from the sky. I chuckled to myself, the perfect mood setting from the world. She tried to warn me not to go, but I wanted to pursue my dreams. She just wanted me, she said we had it alright, and just wanted to live a humble life together, but I was greedy and wanted more. I left her in tears crying, and yelling at me for leaving. How I wish I had a second chance to go back. If only I was able to hear her voice one last time. Or have her hold me and talk to me about her day. How stupid was I not to realize that I had all I needed right in front of me. Now i've left, packed my bags and moved. I looked down at my phone and my finger was hovering the call button. But I couldn't do it. I was so mad with myself. Ashamed, angry and sad. While lost in thought I accidentally dialed her number, I panicked then hung up right away. My tears started flowing faster than the rain, how dare I even try to call her. I don't deserve her, I had my chance. It's about time anyway. I wonder how she will use the ten thousand dollars. Probably by some tea supplies, remembering her tea hobby made me laugh out loud. I looked over the edge of the building I was sitting on, will jumping be easier than living? Probably. But I don't know. I leaned forward, my heart pounding, I really tried to throw myself over, but I couldn't do it. What a coward I was. I can't even follow through. But maybe this is for the best.
“Ringgg Ringg”
Shocked, I looked at my phone and she was calling back. I don't know what to do, but I know I wanted to hear her voice. I tried to pick up the phone but because of the rain it slipped out of my hands and went over the edge. I panicked, but I could not let her go again. I tried to grab it, but I lost my footing in the rain and flipped over the edge. I was looking up at the night sky feeling weightless, and then nothing.
Please pick up. My anxiety was killing me. What is this idiot doing? The first time I heard from him in how long, and he sent me Ten thousand dollars and a goodbye note. Then he calls and won't pick up. I hope he is alright. I wish he would pick up-…
Hi I really like how you express the emotions